Title (as given to the record by the creator): Girl Fiend #2
Date(s) of creation: 1992
Creator / author / publisher: Cookie Woolner
Location: North Salem, NY
Physical description: a quarter-size photocopied zine of 12 pages, with drawings and typewriter type and handwriting at multiple angles
Reference #: GirlFiend2
Source: Cookie Woolner
Links: [ PDF ]
Transcript:
Cover:
In fat black marker, “GIRL FIEND #2”, and a box with typed text: “dorkdykepunkpowerdorkdykepunkpower where every issue is the queer issue dorkdykepunkpowerdorkdykepunkpower every issue is the queer issue.”
Page 2:
[Typed text]
“well hello and welcome to girl fiend #2. the last ish has not even been out a month yet but i find myself wanting to get another one of these things underway, it’s a definite addiction. for your info, i originally made only 20 copies of number one, but then made 30 more and it is still in demand (not like the masses-are crying out for it or anything) so i’ll make more. the reason i have so much to get off my chest is cuz i just got back from the riot grrrl convention in dc. my only disappointment with it was the serious lack of homo girls, although everyone and their sister seemed to be bi. but i mean dyke, like me. except for my rad friend penny and a few others who seemed too scary to approach. cuz i’m a dorkdyke and shy and not down with cold icy types. i wanna form dork dyke punk posses everywhere so get in touch. this issue was made under the influence of heavens 2 betsey crass-penis envy, blatz/tribe 8 7″, bumblescrump demo, bratmobile,spitboy, and assorted poo .. i.realized the last issue had a serious lack of humor, something which is a big part of my life (humor, not a lack of it) so i will try to lighten up a little. but when it comes to.the personal issues i’m dealing with, like coming out and sexism, i do not find myself laughing much. —christina
Page 3:
[Typed text]
“i can’t take it anymore, really. i ‘m told my entire existence is not a valid way to live. i’m told the thoughts that cross my mind when i see a girl who kills me so bad i feel unworthy to walk on the same street as her are wrong wrong wrong. i’m told i’m this way because i’m too ugly to get a boy. my identity is used as an insult by straights. het girls who don’t “put out” must be dykes, right?
well, i’d like to congratulate society, they did a really good job brainwashing me as a girl. they made me completely unaware of my feelings towards my own sex, i didn’t know such feelings could exist. when i found myself entranced by my dad’s penthouse mags, i told myself it wasn’t because i wanted those girls, it was because i pictured being in their place,exposed, vulnerable. i think not. their hair do’s might have been way goofy, but i dug their bods,plain and simple.
i want every guy who’s ever brutally raped and sodomized a lesbian to “show her what she’s missing” to be brutally sodomized in hell for all eternity with a hefty cactus.
i was hanging out with this cool gay guy, but when i told him about a boy i liked two years ago, he said, confused, “but i thought you had something against men” meaning he thought i was queer, what a crappy way to put it! coming from a fellow queer! why is it always turned around like that? why can’t it be that “i have something for women”? why always center it around men? and while i’m on it, what’s with the millions of gay boy bars, rnags, etc and jack shit for dykes? sexism is more rampant than ever within gay “communities”.
[diagonal marker stripes around the last like of text]: “some people think queers shoukd not be seen or heard, but i think oh homophobia, up yours.”
Page 4:
[Typed text]
“everyone who ever told their parent(s) that they are gay has some big fuckin guts which i am seriously lacking. i just can’t do it. i just realized today how much my dad is against gay guys, and i’m assuming he feels the same way about lesbians. i told me mom, when she seemed worried about me hanging out all night with 3 guys, that they were all gay. she didn’t mind and mentioned her best friend in college was gay, which i didn’t know. one point for mom. she then implied how my father might have a problem if he had to meet them, breathe their air, etc. i’m exaggerating, but it obviously upsets him. i told mom that dad could fick off if he had a problem with it, and she kinda admitted it was lame for him to be so anti gay. fuckfuckfuck. does it threaten his masculinity or something? does he think they’ll come onto him(ha)? does it make him question himself? [small row of hand drawn women’s symbols]. he thinks he’s mr. fuckin liberal, mr. artsy new age fuck. he is always going on about how his father never understood him, so why can’t he get clue. why can’t he put together the fats that i have never in my life talked to him about the opposite sex in a romantic or sexual way, that i’m not exactly feminine, that i jump down his throat when he’s homophobic or sexist, why can’t he put these things together and realize his only daughter is a lesbian? i guess it’s something i have to come out and say. the thought of revealing this to my parents just looms over my head. an hour doesn’t pass where it doesn’t cross my mind.”
Page 5:
[Typed text]
“i want to bring a gay friend over, and say,”mom and dad, this is penny. she’s a lesbian. we have alot in cornmon.” then i just want to run out the door and come back hours later, i mean i’ll have to face them at one point or another. i don’t want to explain myself. i want the burden to be on them, i want them to think, oh, we have to understand our daughter and get over our homophobia. we have the problem, not her. society has brainwashed us to think loving your own sex is wrong, but if our little christina does it, it’s alright. we must overcome our fear alone, christina will have enough problems out in the world; the least we can do is support her 100%. why, all our friends with straight children will be jealous. [a small row of hand drawn hearts.]
Y E A H , R I G H T , D R E A M O N! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
i want to run off to the shelter of my queer happy college and mail them issues 1 and 2 of girl fiend. that will have said it all. so, hey, if i ever get the courage, hi mom and dad! it’s your little girl! i’m a big dyke! sorry to be such a freak, like rny being punk wasn’t enought wierdness for you! i like being a punkdyke! everyone should try it!yeah, i love myself! so does society and the meadia! look at all the positive queer images you see daily! i guess i’m not very unique after all, why i’m in the majority!!!!!!!! us punk dykes are the ones oppressing everyone else. it’s a rough life, huh?”
Page 6.
[A big heart drawn in black marker, with diagonal lines filling the background of the page. Inside the heart is typed text.]
”do you like reading this? i mean, do you understand? is it really boring? i don’t have any cool band photos or interviews or reviews or contributions or many pictures just personal thoughts and it might not be punk enough for you. and it moight seem boring to just read lots of typed blurbs. or, you might think, why doesn’t she just say to her parents tomorrow at dinner, “i’m a lesbian”, please pass the tofu dogs”. if you feel this way, even after reading it, please pass it on to someone else.”
Page 7:
[In hand drawn bubble letters: “Riot Grrrl Convention.” There are hand-drawn stars along the left side of the page. The rest is typed text.]
“this is going to be hard to talk about. if you are not familiar with riot grrrl, it began as a dc/olympia think where girls who knew there was a lack of females in punk who were not merely girlfriends/coat racks wanted to create space for girls to bond, get active get noticed get respect and stuff. that’s what it is to me, but alot more. i usually don’t like groups, they take your individuality, but r.g. doesn’t have one belief everyone must go by, the girls have different opinions and they feel free to voice them. the convention was workshops and bands and dancing and fun and i don’t want to tell you all about it event by event. but i can tell you what it made me feel, and i will. i felt like others understood me. i felt like i’m not the only girl who doesn’t see others as stepping stones or obstacles to climb over to reach a boy. i didn’t feel alone in my search for cool girl friends to hug and giggle with and shop for cool canvas shoes with. i felt like people didn’t hate me for being chubby and dorky and not knowing what to say all the time. i felt happy. [handwriting: “cont next page.”]
Page 8:
[Typed text from the top, with the bottom third-ish of the page filled with black dots of different sizes and textures.]
“everyone from dc was so nice, we didn’t feel out of it and un-cool for being from out of town. i went to a regular riot grrrl meeting after most girls not from dc had left, and
when they took a picture of the group for a member who was leaving they made me get in the picture and feel included which was so sweet. i always feel like a sixth finger, this unneccassary thing just hanging around that isn’t really bad but just unneeded. i guess my self esteem sucks. but now that i’m talking about riot grrrls from dc i have to talk about silly crushes and boy did i have alot of them that weekend! it is a good thing i don’t live in dc, it would be bad for my heart. so much beauty/cuteness and coolness i felt like just staring forever. i just don’t know what is up with these girls but wow. i don’t know what to say so i won’t. there was even a girl who at first i could not tell if she was a girl or a feminine looking boy with long hair. my favorite kind. wow.”
Page 9:
[Typed text with curlicue marker doodles at the bottom.]
oh, punk. why have you become such a big part of my life? i am not sure when it happened, but all i seem ever to do is scrounge $ for music, buy music, listen to music, read and write zines, and lament over the fact that there are no shows to go to. or i’m writing letters to all muy punk pen pals. my punk consists of many worlds. my punk is not your punk. my punk is the revolution girl style now of bikini kill to the political punk of naked agression to the silliness/coolness of bumblescrump to the emotional, uncomprehensible lyrics of shudder to think. what you ingest as punk will make you different and your definition of punk will vary from mine.
i’m glad i’m into punk because i find it generally more accepting than the rest of the world. as a female an a queer i’m not worth shit to mainstream society, i don’t really exist, you know? i want to spend my life changing this fact, but that’s such an idealistic thought. or perhaps that’s just what i’ve been programmed to think so i won’t try to make a difference. but for now i’m making differences on a personal level, and if i tell you what i do you’ll probably think i’m all self righteous, and if so, go away. i went vegan, i stopped wearing leather, don’t buy stuff tested on animals, i don’t buy products who’s ads exploit girls, etc..
where was i? oh, punk. my point is, my punk agrees with my actions other people’s punk sometimes upholds the status quo or doesn’t give a shit. or their punk and their beliefs are completely separate. i hate that. if your punk is just a hard beat to slam to, fuck off. note: i just wrote “punk” 16 times. yow.
Page 10:
[Mostly typed text. Along the left side are tiny drawings of a foot in a stiletto heeled shoe, an open tube of lipstick, a bottle of NAIR hair remover, a can of Slim Fast, and a box of douche. In the upper right corner in hand writing, “um, just a thought. I’m 18 and still not sure if i’ll vote, but why don’t they ever tell you how to register? The gov’t doesn’t give a shit! It says alont when 18 yr old guys have to register for the draft but don’t have to register to vote!”]
“LITTLE GIRLS TODAY HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS
when they grow up they can…–steal their best friend’s boyfriend!
–rip the hair out of their legs and pits with hot wax!
–get eyeliner permanently tattooed on!
–wear pointy high heels every day!
–get liposuction!
–douche because women are dirty “down there”!
–wear nude colored pantyhose because their real legs might have (gasp!) flaws, and aren’t perfect enough to be seen!
–fry in tanning salons for the st. tropez look! skin cancer, ahoy!
–get their jawbones broken for a stronger jawline! it’s all the rage!
–get asked if they model just because society considers them attractive by today’s beauty standards (god forbid they might have any other job)
–get told they have such a pretty face and could model if they only lost weight.
–be chubby with hairy legs and pits and no makeup, wear pants, clunky boots, get tattooed and be queer.”
Page 11:
[Typed text with a sideways clipart of a bull, with a hand drawn arrow pointing to it and the word “bulldyke?”]
“i know i said no zine reviews but i must make 2 exceptions.1. sam reviewed girl fiend so i’ll review her zine, kingfish. #2 has kool stuff on god, gurls and guns. reviews, operation rescue hatred, why you should vote,games, little interviews and a few personal short essay deals. it’s rad, plus sam is really sweet and cool,with a rad tatoo on her back and very pretty. p.o/box 13641,berkeley,ca,94701.
2. out damn spot is up to #4. penny is a friend i met thru riot grrrl networking. she’s a dorkdyke like me(yes, it’s a compliment) and she rules. it’s a real personal zine, like this one but unlike mine it has cool pics. it has stuff on gay pride, being in the closet, why it’s uncool to be a bitch, girl band reviews,games,and more. penny rules, if you like this zine you’ll like hers, maybe more,maybe alot more.p.o.box 221,syosset,ny,11791 this issue of girl fiend is deadicated to penny. she is the best and w/o her i would not have had as fun a summer. i hope she likes me as much as i like her. [hand drawn stars]
Page 12 (back cover):
[a full-page drawing of a dark sky with sun, moon, planets and lots of curly ribbons and stars and faces and triangles and hearts and swirls, and a checkerboard border at the bottom. handwritten inside some blank areas: “tofu dogs rule” and “sorry this is so unpunk.” In a white box is typed text.]
“Girl fiend #2
Before sept. 1
Christina
P.o.box 285
North salem, ny 10560
After sept. 1
Christina
P.o. box 960
Hampshire college,
Amherst, ma 01002”
